The Spoon Drawer

The second drawer down, where things I trip over on the net and in my life live. It stops quite so much twittering!

At long last, Google gave me my Christmas present. It looks like 2013 was a busy year, this is a TINY bit of it.

He WAS here in our Living Room. Proof at last.

Looking for a Nigella recipe. I think I find this funnier than @shivharrison.

You can enjoy nearly all (no @hopeandsocial #bringthehappy or @chainsunchained on Spotify) my tunes of 2013. No likey no tweety.

(Source: Spotify)

Mima’s Dickshunry

Jeb-boom - the room where Mummy and Daddy sleep.

Cow Poo - thank you

Huzzle - a squirrel

Feeties - sweets

Numster - her Scully toy

Wishished - used to inform us when something is completed

Lollibobbies - a Tuesday treat

Silly Bonker - Mainly Daddy apparently, usually used with Cheeky Monkey too

Tattytoos - mainly Frozen temporary ones (until she is 30 at least)

Lolo - started as a mispronunciation of Dolly but Lolo she will forever be

@historygem What time is it? It’s ClemenTIME!

(Source: Spotify)

#spoonymademe

I asked for your weirdest food guilty pleasure and this is the menu.

Starters

Salad Cream (solo) - @rachelradiostar

Brown Sauce Butties - @rachelradiostar

Tomato Ketchup Sandwiches - @jamesmears

  • with added Salad Cream - @mr_spoon

Cheese & Onion Crisps and Strawberry Jam Sandwiches - @Rossi4Fulham

Peanut Butter & Ham Sandwiches - @jamierayat

Raspberry Jam & Strong Cheddar (on Brown Bread) - @emslj

Microwaved Cheese (a la plate) - @PsychoMumma

Mayonnaise on Toast - @PsychoMumma

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Mains

Tuna with Mint Sauce - @MissEmmaLouise

Tinned Tuna with Campbells Condensed Chicken Soup - @predacomdom

Meat Pie Sandwich - @lisacov19

Microwaved Mini Pork Pie in Fresh White Bap smeared with Butter (with Ketchup and splatted) - @mr_spoon

Fresh White Bread + 3 slices of Bacon + sliced Banana (fresh chillies optional) - @RichHarrison72

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Pudding

Rice Pudding with Marmalade - @coleone21

Cheese & Crackers with Salad Cream - @MissEmmaLouise 

Pickled Onion Crisps dipped in Strawberry Yoghurt @toomanydresses

Bourbons (with Peanut Butter dip) - @andrewdmitchell

Guavioli (guava and ravioli) - @FredNGingaBuns

Dry Weetabix (with butter) - @FredNGingaBuns

Chocolate Biscuits with Sliced Banana - @daveyjay1985

Porridge (with Peanut Butter) - @loonytoon

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Drinks

(McDonald’s) Fries dipped in Thickshake - @MissEmmaLouise & @predacomDom

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So, what you need to do is, try a course and tweet the results with  #spoonymademe

Bank On It!

After a 4 hour drive back from a family holiday in Scarborough, I have to admit the idea of getting on a coach to a mystery location and then taking part in interactive theatre wasn’t exactly top of my wish list. 

We had tickets for the whole family to Warwick Arts Centre's production of Bank On It, a collaboration between Theatre-Rites and the University of Warwick’s Economics Department, as part of the sadly under promoted national Family Arts Festival. The show was aimed at 5+ and was to explore the current financial crisis and world situation. Yawn?

NO! From the moment we joined the queue at the bus stop inside the WAC my two daughters were excited. We were lead to a waiting coach and set off to the secret location. I do feel that a trick was missed on the coach as it was left to the parents to try to build up the anticipation, a crazy tour guide might have added to the experience. 

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However, the moment we stepped off the coach outside an empty building near the Bishop Street sorting office the magic happened. We hung our coats up and entered The Bank. Once inside the reception area we immediately were joined by a group of strange but beguiling customers

The first squeal of delight from my daughter was when a squashed face appeared inside the realistic cash machine on the wall. The Bank Manager was hiding from his customers and told us all to go away. We didn’t of course and started to chase him through the bank.

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The set was incredible with corridors, rooms and offices. The attention to detail was amazing and in the filing room we were treated to a peek-a-boo Bank Manager, the Regulator who wouldn’t stop adding up, a song about the fiscal crisis (amazingly captivating a 5 and a 2 year old) and the brilliant filing robot. Date of BURTH…will stick in my head for a long time.

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We learnt all about our customer guides and then split into smaller groups to go into 6 rooms and learn more about why the bank was in trouble. In each room we were told about how to spend and save sensibly, saving water, electricity, trees, the sea, rare elements and the bees. We made bees from pipe cleaners, drew trees and turned off the lights. The highlight for Tilly was the sea room where we all got to hold a fish projecting sweetie jar and play chase with each other’s sea life.

After we had learnt all about saving our planet, and our money, a secret seventh room was revealed. This room was the climax and a beatiful and magical scene was played out that reminded me of a mini Olympic Opening Ceremony. Lights shone, fountains squirted, music played and wishes were made. Everyone in the audience got a penny to make a wish with and this in turn made more magic happen.

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After this show stopping scene, we all got to write another wish we wanted to share (the other’s were our secrets of course) on a filing card and have it approved by the Regulator. Jars filled shelves in this room where we could read previous customer’s wishes. 

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Overall, we left with a smile and delight in my daughter’s eyes as they clutched their pennies tight, second ones given to pass on to a friend so they can make their own wish.

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We had a wonderful time, the set was stunning, the performances were intoxicating and the messages given and learnt were serious yet engaging.

If you get a chance, if the bank opens again near you, open an account!

That’s my review, now read Tilly’s (5 years old)

THE APPRENTICE - RESULTS AND PRIZES!!

So, it turned out that I was right….I picked Leah to get me loads of points right at the start and she did! OK, I may have picked her as my loser but that’s the beauty of a flawed scoring system ;o)

Here is the final table and you can see we have SIX, yes SIX winners, and 5 prizes…thanks :o(

So far the prizes have gone this way:

1st - Claire Avery - TAYLOR’S BUTCHER’S £25 MEAT VOUCHER

2nd - Graham Mulvaney - WANTS THE FLAMMABLE TEDDY FROM TINDERBOX TOYS, should I let him take the booby prize?

3rd - Richard Harrison - ??

4th - Claire Smith - ??

5th - Catherine Thomson & Ian Eccleston - ?????

BOOBY - Jim Bell - ??

I’ll let Jim decide if he wants the teddy or let Graham take this then I will offer the other prizes in order.

Thank you, £161 for MIND and MACMILLAN and lots of fun. Amazing and HUGE THANKS TO ALL THE PRIZE DONATERS

@taylorsbutchers

@tinderboxtoys

@bennzaksflorist

@covblazehockey

@aquafm

@blue_bistro

Weak Eleven - The Claude and Claudina Show

So, we drag the losers into the interview chambers and expose all their weaknesses…quite frankly I’m surprised it wasn’t a 2 hour show. No pterodactyl impressions, Jordan even managed not to be sick despite being exposed as a liar, a fraud and quiet frankly a loser.

Behind every weak business idea though, there is a Neil Clough and despite being given about 24 opportunities to explain he would be willing to shape the concept with ProfessorCaptainLordSugar’s help. Then it was down the the girls, and I think it may just have been Francesca’s cheap clothes and ‘I can smell shit’ expression that knocked her into 3rd place.

So, this leaves us with a points table that means nothing as we now have only 2 possible outcomes…and with the shuddering realisation that the rules state that double points are awarded if one of your losers ends up in the position you predicted. This means the previous MAX tables may have been as flawed as their creator…but below you can see (don’t scroll if you like tension) the current table and the 2 tables that will be the final results depending on whether LUISA wins or not (which a certain organiser fervently hopes will happen).

Thanks for playing everyone, £161 for MIND and Macmillan is not to be sniffed at. See you next year, with more robust scoring systems.

SCROLL DOWN FOR SPOILERS

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IF LUISA WINS

IF LEAH WINS

Weak 10 - Stalling for Success

So, it was Tuy Weak once again, I believe, and you may not have heard this, SirLordAlanSugarTits used to sell tut out of the back of a van too. The girls bought sensible cheap cool hats and tut that usually sell well at markets, whereas PM Myles decided to buy high end tut that only vaguely sells at Selfridges. High risk high gain? maybe but then don’t send the teeny Jordan off to buy candles you can get for 50p in Wilko’s and a vase that can’t hold a single daisy, but it looks….gopping.

At least Jordan had a receptacle for his boardroom sickness…

Here are the current things you care about

and the depressing table of hope, Green (you can WIN!), Orange (you might still win some meat!), Red (with regret, you’re fired).

 

Weak 8 and 9 - A Date with Ready Meals

You may think you aren’t getting value for money missing out on a weak, but look, 2 for 1! it’s like thinking you were losing Kurt and getting Natalie booted out in one go ;o)

So, here’s a quick recap of the last 2 weaks. 

Weak 8 - the Dating agency. Alex tried again to get a date as Project Manager, and again he failed. But, to be fair they were lucky and got Jordan instead, he wanted a 50,000ft view of the project, so with his stature he would need to stand on a 49,998ft chair to achieve this. But when he did tower over the Cufflinks project he became a high powered sexual woman, who knew? He would make a good woman but Luisa would hate him regardless, as she hates all of the over 50s.

Jason, on the other hand demonstrated a perfect one night stand analogy with his team. Everyone got blood on their lips according to Jason Nice But Dim, maybe this was after they sunk their teeth into his weak assed neck…and ass and deposed him.

So, Friendship and Flowers wilted and Jason took some old roses to his grave…he was clearly too academic according to Sir Alord Ansuger…we all hate them don’t we ;o)

So, onto Weak 9 - the boils in a bag episode.

The teams met at the gherkin, although most of them wouldn’t know what one of them is, as they can’t cook, hate cooking and just survive on ready meals, maybe that is why Francesca is so bitter.

Alex got his dream at last to become PM, let’s hope that worked for him. Luisa admitted, right at the end, that she CAN cook but left her best mate Frannie in the kitchen to create, make and taste their Oh My Pow! meal…what do you mean she didn’t?? that would be STUPID.

Alex quickly dropped his little Popty in the canal from his gondola, thanks to Myle’s jedi mind tricks and went with poisonous food for kids. In my humble opinion, Horribly Healthy food would have worked better than Healthy Horrible food….maybe I’ll apply for the next series. Even little Jordan pitching the food to the Purchasing Managers, aka Mummy and Daddy couldn’t win it for the team. Somehow the Clough sold 3,000 units of insipid bland food based on the caveat “we will make it taste…tasty, promise”

So, here are the results from the Coventry jury for the last 2 weaks.

and here is a bonus table for you, based on the MAXIMUM points you can earn, Red means you have NO CHANCE to be in the top 5, ORANGE you can be in the top 5 but not win, and GREEN means you CAN WIN!!! whoop.

Weak 7 - Caravans of Love

Sometimes even with the best of intentions, the devil poops in your toaster so things don’t pop up when you’d expect. Sorry for the delay, feel free to fire me.

Anyway back to our losers. The candidates had to sell caravans to basically the walking dead, according to the young cool dudes in the programme. The only loser with a chance seemed to be Kurt, as he had caravan experience…don’t ask. At the other end of the spectrum, Myles literally hates caravans and has persuaded the whole of Monaco to ban them…I’d love to see an F1 ‘van race myself but hey.

So, there was some experience with caravans but Jason ‘not nice but still dim’ didn’t even have experience with Birmingham as he’s never gone so far North…although the shots of the city centre would have confused him seeing as the NEC is miles away.Telly eh?

A few moments of comedy genius prevailed, not one moment as “one is one but two is unbelievable” beeped the android and Jason even gave us a comedy excentional opstra, just before he invited us to mount the steps and he’d follow us in…charmer!

Leah was her usual smiley self, even when she was offered up as eye candy but it wasn’t enough for our friends Kurt and Natalie as they packed up their troubles in their overpriced kid’s camping kit.

We have one definite loser now, well done Claire Avery…you have ZERO, which is the best score so far!

 

Weak 6 - Mr & Miss Motivators

It was a weak where the teams of losers had to train other corporate losers on how not to be such losers. How could it fail? well, it could fail because no-one seemed to spot that a school doesn’t have wine tasting lessons, giant flamingos and you are certainly not supposed to engage in cupcaking.

It could also fail because Luisa told the most corporate man in the world that she hated him and everything he stood for and his children and his wife and his empty vacuous words, but could he give her a job?

It could fail because the Doctor could consult her team, get an overwhelming vote for a theme then overrule it, then change it, then do a medieval army theme in the pissing rain.

But in the end it didn’t fail for one team because someone called in one of the world’s leading motivational speakers…Sir Lord Neil Clough! da da!!!

In the end, one team lost and the other lost less badly so it was DEFINITELY going to be the terrible leader Leah or the moaning whiny Luisa that got fired, it couldn’t be the basically OK Rebecca, I mean it would almost be like the Director wanting the two women who hate each other the most to stay in for good television, that wouldn’t happe…what? NO!!!!