@historygem What time is it? It’s ClemenTIME!
@historygem What time is it? It’s ClemenTIME!
I asked for your weirdest food guilty pleasure and this is the menu.
Salad Cream (solo) - @rachelradiostar
Brown Sauce Butties - @rachelradiostar
Tomato Ketchup Sandwiches - @jamesmears
Cheese & Onion Crisps and Strawberry Jam Sandwiches - @Rossi4Fulham
Peanut Butter & Ham Sandwiches - @jamierayat
Raspberry Jam & Strong Cheddar (on Brown Bread) - @emslj
Microwaved Cheese (a la plate) - @PsychoMumma
Mayonnaise on Toast - @PsychoMumma
Tuna with Mint Sauce - @MissEmmaLouise
Tinned Tuna with Campbells Condensed Chicken Soup - @predacomdom
Meat Pie Sandwich - @lisacov19
Microwaved Mini Pork Pie in Fresh White Bap smeared with Butter (with Ketchup and splatted) - @mr_spoon
Fresh White Bread + 3 slices of Bacon + sliced Banana (fresh chillies optional) - @RichHarrison72
Rice Pudding with Marmalade - @coleone21
Cheese & Crackers with Salad Cream - @MissEmmaLouise
Pickled Onion Crisps dipped in Strawberry Yoghurt @toomanydresses
Bourbons (with Peanut Butter dip) - @andrewdmitchell
guava and ravioli) - @FredNGingaBuns
Dry Weetabix (with butter) - @FredNGingaBuns
Chocolate Biscuits with Sliced Banana - @daveyjay1985
Porridge (with Peanut Butter) - @loonytoon
(McDonald’s) Fries dipped in Thickshake - @MissEmmaLouise & @predacomDom
So, what you need to do is, try a course and tweet the results with #spoonymademe
After a 4 hour drive back from a family holiday in Scarborough, I have to admit the idea of getting on a coach to a mystery location and then taking part in interactive theatre wasn’t exactly top of my wish list.
We had tickets for the whole family to Warwick Arts Centre's production of Bank On It, a collaboration between Theatre-Rites and the University of Warwick’s Economics Department, as part of the sadly under promoted national Family Arts Festival. The show was aimed at 5+ and was to explore the current financial crisis and world situation. Yawn?
NO! From the moment we joined the queue at the bus stop inside the WAC my two daughters were excited. We were lead to a waiting coach and set off to the secret location. I do feel that a trick was missed on the coach as it was left to the parents to try to build up the anticipation, a crazy tour guide might have added to the experience.
However, the moment we stepped off the coach outside an empty building near the Bishop Street sorting office the magic happened. We hung our coats up and entered The Bank. Once inside the reception area we immediately were joined by a group of strange but beguiling customers
The first squeal of delight from my daughter was when a squashed face appeared inside the realistic cash machine on the wall. The Bank Manager was hiding from his customers and told us all to go away. We didn’t of course and started to chase him through the bank.
The set was incredible with corridors, rooms and offices. The attention to detail was amazing and in the filing room we were treated to a peek-a-boo Bank Manager, the Regulator who wouldn’t stop adding up, a song about the fiscal crisis (amazingly captivating a 5 and a 2 year old) and the brilliant filing robot. Date of BURTH…will stick in my head for a long time.
We learnt all about our customer guides and then split into smaller groups to go into 6 rooms and learn more about why the bank was in trouble. In each room we were told about how to spend and save sensibly, saving water, electricity, trees, the sea, rare elements and the bees. We made bees from pipe cleaners, drew trees and turned off the lights. The highlight for Tilly was the sea room where we all got to hold a fish projecting sweetie jar and play chase with each other’s sea life.
After we had learnt all about saving our planet, and our money, a secret seventh room was revealed. This room was the climax and a beatiful and magical scene was played out that reminded me of a mini Olympic Opening Ceremony. Lights shone, fountains squirted, music played and wishes were made. Everyone in the audience got a penny to make a wish with and this in turn made more magic happen.
After this show stopping scene, we all got to write another wish we wanted to share (the other’s were our secrets of course) on a filing card and have it approved by the Regulator. Jars filled shelves in this room where we could read previous customer’s wishes.
Overall, we left with a smile and delight in my daughter’s eyes as they clutched their pennies tight, second ones given to pass on to a friend so they can make their own wish.
We had a wonderful time, the set was stunning, the performances were intoxicating and the messages given and learnt were serious yet engaging.
If you get a chance, if the bank opens again near you, open an account!
That’s my review, now read Tilly’s (5 years old)
NEW VIDEO! NEW-ish SONG! SWOON
So, it turned out that I was right….I picked Leah to get me loads of points right at the start and she did! OK, I may have picked her as my loser but that’s the beauty of a flawed scoring system ;o)
Here is the final table and you can see we have SIX, yes SIX winners, and 5 prizes…thanks :o(
So far the prizes have gone this way:
1st - Claire Avery - TAYLOR’S BUTCHER’S £25 MEAT VOUCHER
2nd - Graham Mulvaney - WANTS THE FLAMMABLE TEDDY FROM TINDERBOX TOYS, should I let him take the booby prize?
3rd - Richard Harrison - ??
4th - Claire Smith - ??
5th - Catherine Thomson & Ian Eccleston - ?????
BOOBY - Jim Bell - ??
I’ll let Jim decide if he wants the teddy or let Graham take this then I will offer the other prizes in order.
Thank you, £161 for MIND and MACMILLAN and lots of fun. Amazing and HUGE THANKS TO ALL THE PRIZE DONATERS
So, we drag the losers into the interview chambers and expose all their weaknesses…quite frankly I’m surprised it wasn’t a 2 hour show. No pterodactyl impressions, Jordan even managed not to be sick despite being exposed as a liar, a fraud and quiet frankly a loser.
Behind every weak business idea though, there is a Neil Clough and despite being given about 24 opportunities to explain he would be willing to shape the concept with ProfessorCaptainLordSugar’s help. Then it was down the the girls, and I think it may just have been Francesca’s cheap clothes and ‘I can smell shit’ expression that knocked her into 3rd place.
So, this leaves us with a points table that means nothing as we now have only 2 possible outcomes…and with the shuddering realisation that the rules state that double points are awarded if one of your losers ends up in the position you predicted. This means the previous MAX tables may have been as flawed as their creator…but below you can see (don’t scroll if you like tension) the current table and the 2 tables that will be the final results depending on whether LUISA wins or not (which a certain organiser fervently hopes will happen).
Thanks for playing everyone, £161 for MIND and Macmillan is not to be sniffed at. See you next year, with more robust scoring systems.
SCROLL DOWN FOR SPOILERS
IF LUISA WINS
IF LEAH WINS
So, it was Tuy Weak once again, I believe, and you may not have heard this, SirLordAlanSugarTits used to sell tut out of the back of a van too. The girls bought sensible cheap cool hats and tut that usually sell well at markets, whereas PM Myles decided to buy high end tut that only vaguely sells at Selfridges. High risk high gain? maybe but then don’t send the teeny Jordan off to buy candles you can get for 50p in Wilko’s and a vase that can’t hold a single daisy, but it looks….gopping.
At least Jordan had a receptacle for his boardroom sickness…
Here are the current things you care about
and the depressing table of hope, Green (you can WIN!), Orange (you might still win some meat!), Red (with regret, you’re fired).
You may think you aren’t getting value for money missing out on a weak, but look, 2 for 1! it’s like thinking you were losing Kurt and getting Natalie booted out in one go ;o)
So, here’s a quick recap of the last 2 weaks.
Weak 8 - the Dating agency. Alex tried again to get a date as Project Manager, and again he failed. But, to be fair they were lucky and got Jordan instead, he wanted a 50,000ft view of the project, so with his stature he would need to stand on a 49,998ft chair to achieve this. But when he did tower over the Cufflinks project he became a high powered sexual woman, who knew? He would make a good woman but Luisa would hate him regardless, as she hates all of the over 50s.
Jason, on the other hand demonstrated a perfect one night stand analogy with his team. Everyone got blood on their lips according to Jason Nice But Dim, maybe this was after they sunk their teeth into his weak assed neck…and ass and deposed him.
So, Friendship and Flowers wilted and Jason took some old roses to his grave…he was clearly too academic according to Sir Alord Ansuger…we all hate them don’t we ;o)
So, onto Weak 9 - the boils in a bag episode.
The teams met at the gherkin, although most of them wouldn’t know what one of them is, as they can’t cook, hate cooking and just survive on ready meals, maybe that is why Francesca is so bitter.
Alex got his dream at last to become PM, let’s hope that worked for him. Luisa admitted, right at the end, that she CAN cook but left her best mate Frannie in the kitchen to create, make and taste their Oh My Pow! meal…what do you mean she didn’t?? that would be STUPID.
Alex quickly dropped his little Popty in the canal from his gondola, thanks to Myle’s jedi mind tricks and went with poisonous food for kids. In my humble opinion, Horribly Healthy food would have worked better than Healthy Horrible food….maybe I’ll apply for the next series. Even little Jordan pitching the food to the Purchasing Managers, aka Mummy and Daddy couldn’t win it for the team. Somehow the Clough sold 3,000 units of insipid bland food based on the caveat “we will make it taste…tasty, promise”
So, here are the results from the Coventry jury for the last 2 weaks.
and here is a bonus table for you, based on the MAXIMUM points you can earn, Red means you have NO CHANCE to be in the top 5, ORANGE you can be in the top 5 but not win, and GREEN means you CAN WIN!!! whoop.
Sometimes even with the best of intentions, the devil poops in your toaster so things don’t pop up when you’d expect. Sorry for the delay, feel free to fire me.
Anyway back to our losers. The candidates had to sell caravans to basically the walking dead, according to the young cool dudes in the programme. The only loser with a chance seemed to be Kurt, as he had caravan experience…don’t ask. At the other end of the spectrum, Myles literally hates caravans and has persuaded the whole of Monaco to ban them…I’d love to see an F1 ‘van race myself but hey.
So, there was some experience with caravans but Jason ‘not nice but still dim’ didn’t even have experience with Birmingham as he’s never gone so far North…although the shots of the city centre would have confused him seeing as the NEC is miles away.Telly eh?
A few moments of comedy genius prevailed, not one moment as “one is one but two is unbelievable” beeped the android and Jason even gave us a comedy excentional opstra, just before he invited us to mount the steps and he’d follow us in…charmer!
Leah was her usual smiley self, even when she was offered up as eye candy but it wasn’t enough for our friends Kurt and Natalie as they packed up their troubles in their overpriced kid’s camping kit.
We have one definite loser now, well done Claire Avery…you have ZERO, which is the best score so far!
It was a weak where the teams of losers had to train other corporate losers on how not to be such losers. How could it fail? well, it could fail because no-one seemed to spot that a school doesn’t have wine tasting lessons, giant flamingos and you are certainly not supposed to engage in cupcaking.
It could also fail because Luisa told the most corporate man in the world that she hated him and everything he stood for and his children and his wife and his empty vacuous words, but could he give her a job?
It could fail because the Doctor could consult her team, get an overwhelming vote for a theme then overrule it, then change it, then do a medieval army theme in the pissing rain.
But in the end it didn’t fail for one team because someone called in one of the world’s leading motivational speakers…Sir Lord Neil Clough! da da!!!
In the end, one team lost and the other lost less badly so it was DEFINITELY going to be the terrible leader Leah or the moaning whiny Luisa that got fired, it couldn’t be the basically OK Rebecca, I mean it would almost be like the Director wanting the two women who hate each other the most to stay in for good television, that wouldn’t happe…what? NO!!!!
So, off to Dubai for our losers and that’s OK as Zeeshaan knows it like the back of his mahogany scented hands. Apart from the fact, he doesn’t.
The Doctor told him over and over again he was wrong sending her to the mall but eventually souked it up and did what she was told.
Jason ‘slimy but dim’ had prepared and learnt flawless Arabic although he did have to speak slowly and with a fake Middle Eastern accent to be understood, but he still had more chance than the Irish Doctor or the Welsh Android as ood od ooood odd sounds even less recognisable in their voices.
Strangely it wasn’t Kurt that ended up flying the tiny little flag or the rocket fuelled gob on a body that is Luisa but old Zee himself. This puts Paul up the ‘top’ of our loserboard with Catriona and leaves only 9 zeros at the ‘bottom’….well done me.
BTW, my records show the following people owe me their entrance fee. If you could get this to me ASAP I would be a happy man and can donate it.
JC, web_bod, Dr Lauren, cluck, Laura F, poppypurple, RaeMck, Helen, Mark Branch
If you have paid then please feel free to arm wrestle me into accepting this as fact!
9am - I put the names of 9 @coventrymarket stalls into the sock of destiny at home. All nominated by #covcashmob friends.
10am - I stopped at @taylorsbutchers to pick up a tray of locally made sausage rolls with a dollop of nice discount from Stuart.
10:15am - I drop into @bennzaksflorist to pick up 20 balloons on sticks and 20 ‘I <3 to shop local’ canvas bags, filled with bananas, apples, stickers and bags of Dolly Mixtures…all courtesy of @coventrymarket
10:30am - I arrive at the @ludicrooms Hub to dump all the bags, balloons with help from the delicious @arctic_sunrise and the #wewillgather bags and badges so I could meet the attendees in comfort at Shelton Square.
11am - Some people arrived at the empty shop and some met me in the square (I was easily spotted in my We Will Gather t-shirt - thanks @artistmakers!). The final count of humans attending (including a bundle of smurfs) was, according to @predacomDom's clicker - THIRTY-SIX!!! amazing.
The rules were announced and were, for a change from me, very simple. We would pick a stall from the sock and head off to spend a fiver. HOWEVER, if you didn’t want to spend your money on the first stall, we would pick another BUT you HAD to spend it at that stall. This added a frisson of risk and got people planning their strategy. The only other rule that was invoked by me was the ‘No Double Sewing Rule’, if the Fabric Stall or Haberdashers was picked the other ‘boring girl’s’ stall would be discarded. Anything to maximise the chance of the Sweet Stall to come out!
11:10am - After swapping my sock for a sock from @flinton22's fostered daughter…who is called DESTINY! serendipity. The first name was drawn by @vornster's daughter…it was P. Shaw Kitchenware! Off we headed to the Market.
11:15am - A quite confused looking Phillip at the stall suddenly found himself mobbed by people waving fivers at him and buying bowls, whisks, rice cookers, oven gloves and SPOONS! After a little explanation by @vornster he seemed to be very happy, if a little too busy to really enjoy it ;o)
An interesting by-product was that we seemed to attract an audience who thought that there must be bargains on the stall, and we filled the aisle so much that a market regular wandered past moaning it was too busy!
@shivharrison couldn’t resist popping back later to capture Phillip’s thoughts about what had happened, she is a journalist after all.
11:25am - After I think everyone had spent at least a portion of their £5 we gathered around for another pick from the Sock of Destiny. This time @Mrs_Sunrise_’s son Aidan was the lucky sock diver. With everyone willing him to pick the Sweet Stall…he pulled out…@bennzaksflorist ;o(
11:30am - We rushed round the corner to a scared looking Florist who weren’t sure they had enough flowers left (it was a busy wedding day)…but we managed to purchase some single blooms and a selection of house plants. Happy stall, happy mobbers.
Here’s a happy @toomanydresses with a flower from @discorick84
11:40am - An executive decision was made by @mr_spoon, on pain of death by tears, to add in a bonus stall…so off to the Sweet Stall we mobbed.
11:45am - Literally stuffed with sours and jellies, the smurfs had a ride on the famous Market roundabout and the parent’s swapped tales of their mobbed goodies.
11:50am - Back to the @ludicroom Hub most of the party went, with @toomanydresses' party deciding to stay on for a while stocking up on zips and lunch.
12pm - The first ever Coventry Empty Shop Indoor Picnic was held, much to the amusement of passers by who must have thought it was performance art.
With many happy mobbers, many bargains and baffled stall holders, the first #covcashmob ended but segwayed nicely into groups splitting off to do the @ludicrooms Re-creation Trail, visit the Vintage Fair or enjoy the Jazz in the sun. We crossed paths a few times then went home tired but filled with community spirit and sweets!
Thank you to everyone who took part, it was a great day and let’s do it again*
Some nice post-mob comments:
The day in montage form
*if we win the £100 ;o) THIRTY-SIX PEOPLE !!!!
Another weak, another firing…yawn. To be honest this series isn’t really lighting my fire, I’m not sure the losers are quite as stupid as usual.
DISCLAIMER : some witty comments may be stolen in entirety from the Guardian.
It’s happening in New York, it’s happening in Tokyo! And now it’s happening in Surrey Docks. Everybody farm shop!
I’d love to have been at school with Jordan, they had a van that sold ostrich burgers, although to be fair, at Garforth Comprehensive School we had a quail bar.
Alex the android wanted to sell cheese on toast, and for some reason everyone thought a farm shop sells hot food, now I like a hot pork pie sandwich as much as the next man but…
Francesca nearly bought a load of corn on the cobs. But Luisa tells her to “buy six” to dress the store up with. That’s business!
So Buffalocal and Fruity Cow were born, and died pretty quickly with only one large man accounting for 20% of all the takings. For some reason people didn’t want to buy a baked potato with beans, however pretty they made it.
It looked for a moment that one of the beards was going to go, but embarrassed Uzma was the fruity cow that got culled.
10 people with ZERO points and looking good* and a certain Mr Spoon is in there! whoot!
*I’ve realised in the shower this morning (keep that image) that what I SHOULD have done is reversed the points so your selected loser earned less points the better they do. I can’t wait for next year’s competition ;o)
Troops! These are your orders for #covcashmob on Saturday.
1) Meet at 11am in Shelton Square (near Tesco Metro) with the following items
You will then be given items for the mob, a canvas bag, a badge or 2 and balloons for the kids, and mothers-in-law.
2) Once the regiment is complete we will select a shop/stall from the sock of dreams
3) We will head off and spend our £5 and make a fuss, take photos and generally act like a mob.
4) We will meet back at the picnic place (the Ludic Rooms Coventry Mysteries Hub on Market Way) and scoff a) the food and b) at the tut we have all bought.
5) We will then sign up and play the Ludic Rooms Recreation Trail (optional but it’s FUN!!).
6) Any troops left standing will yomp along to Priory Place and enjoy the Vintage Fair and Jazz Festival
*at any point we may be harangued by the press, maybe BBC Coventry and Warwickshire and The Coventry Telegraph, so look smart, smile and let @vornster do all the talking (as it is all her fault).
You can contact me on 07967 309 651 or tweet me.
So, another weak another absolute shower of flat packed poop and I need to do you an update and synopsis clickety-boo. As I type I am sitting on a chair or table that has a box of rotting fish underneath, and you know what? it doesn’t work.
As LordAlanSirSugar said the girls’ Tidy Sidy was a bit Wishy Washy Poxy Boxy but at least you could foldo up tiny Jordan and pop him in, what with him not being an average sized person. However if I had the chance I’d recycle Jason slimy “not nice but still dim” Leech…bleurgh.
However, the girls did reach a new lau and Big Al decided to fire Sophie, I don’t know why; her skill set is immense what with her quote “I don’t design, I don’t manufacture, I don’t sell and I don’t pitch.” She can certainly do market research…bady.
With that crushing news and the the fact that Alexbot created the best thing Lord Al has ever seen (remember this was the man behind the Amstrad Emailer Phone) we find Jim and Nick have been our first to fall with them expertly picking all three of the first batch of losers. The meat is not coming to you boys.
Still plenty of points to fight for and us lot on 0 are sitting pretty….on a grey box.
And now you’ve read this, scroll down to the next article and see if you fancy joining us for #covcashmob next weekend. Shopping with added fun!